#34) How to be Metal

Posted on Posted in Badassery, Blog, Music, Season 1

Time: No Way to tell

Cost: Not too sure to be honest

Difficulty: This whole thing is so abstract

Badassery Increased? Hell ya

Metal is Commitment

I will never claim to be an expert on music culture, as a matter of fact, I wouldn’t even say I have a better understanding of music culture when compared to the average individual. But what I can say without question, is that from the individuals I have met and know in the metal scene, they are  some of the most dedicated and hardcore fans I have ever met. Even on its own, the image that many metal folk give off is a huge commitment. A good portion of die hard metal fans spend an incredible amount of time growing out their hair, wearing super hardcore t-shirts, getting tattoos and piercings, and in turn projecting this towards the rest of society on a daily basis. Which sometimes comes with unjustified negative connotations.


The long hair, black and brutal clothes aside, these people know how to support their genre. And more importantly, they know how to party. And though it would be silly to say that there are no wieners in the metal scene, all of the individuals I met were incredibly kind and welcoming to the scene. So with that! If you would like to become more metal soon, here’s what you do:

So how do you become Metal?

The good news is, you don’t need to stress yourself out BECAUSE THERE”S NO ACTUAL WAY TO BECOME METAL. If it was as easy as putting on a black t-shirt with a picture of some dead babies on it and having long hair, well… just about anyone could do it.


Going into this skill I thought there would be, and I was very very wrong. I found out that being metal is more about a lifestyle, more about a way of life and a deep appreciation for the music and culture than it is about “a fashion sense”. But I mean, if you already have an appreciation for those things and don’t know how to become more metal, this is what to do:

1. Start Wearing Metal Band Shirts


You need to wear these basically everywhere you go, no matter what context you’re in.

2. Grow out your Hair, or Shave Your Head

Despite the genre being very brutal, if you are man you are required to grow your hair into gorgeous long flowing locks comparable to a Disney princess. That or take it all off. Either way, it requires a huge commitment.


3. Take that Hair, and Flail it Around in Random Motions

Once you have grown out your hair, you need to take it and try to hit as many people in the face with it as possible. People who are into metal enjoy having random pieces of hair being violently whipped against their face. Once you hit enough people in the face with your hair, they will finally gain respect for you, and create a large circle of brutal respect for you. This is when you know you have finally become metal.

So, What did I learn?

That headbanging is an insane work out for your neck and shoulders. For those of you lifting weights to work on your shoulders, stop right now, and go listen to some metal.

I also learned that, contrary to popular belief, the metal music scene is an incredibly welcoming, fun and deep sub-culture. A large portion of the genres’ music takes a phenomenal amount of talent to write and perform, and the shows are some of the funnest I’ve been to. The whole don’t judge a book by its cover comes to mind, but that would be super cliche to say…so I won’t say it.

As well, I learned that to think that you can all of a sudden become “metal” is ridiculous. Like all other sub cultures and styles it seems to me to be something that grows and evolves in someone over a long period of time. Eventually creating a mindset and deep appreciation for the type of music and values that are reflected in it. Too bad…I thought that wig and shirt combo looked good on me.

Anyways, thanks for reading, and we’ll talk next week.

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